Why women need great sex to be wonderful mothers & Divorce when he won’t confess

by Patsy Rae Dawson

What goes on in our homes doesn’t stay there—It's changing the world.

Dear Friend,

Jean’s eyes misted as she shared with me, “I’m a heathen. How can I believe in a God of love when he didn’t even exist in the Christian home I grew up in? My dad was an elder and preached sometimes. He always put his arm around Mom in church and smiled at her…. But it all changed on the ride home…the tension between them made me want to jump out of the car…. The rest of the week was full of putdowns and ridicule of each other and us kids.”

She swallowed hard and continued, “I married the same kind of ole’ boy. We always went to church. When he died, I swore I would never marry another Christian. Now I have sex twice a week with a man who has a wife and four kids…. I figure I will commit suicide someday…. I have no children and no one cares….”

Jean’s story is just one of many similar ones I listened to last year. I put 8,400 miles on my little Victory Red HHR traveling from Amarillo to Houston to Vegas to North Carolina to attend seminars, boot camps, and conferences. Everywhere I went, when men and women learned during the round robin introductions that I taught about sex and the Bible, at breaks and lunch they confided their personal pain to me.

I attended a class in East Texas outside Dallas to be tested for a professional license to be a process server. The legal instructions were interspersed with stories about protecting our safety. One veteran of the business said, “I barely made it back inside my car after the guy sicced his dogs on me. They were so vicious—as I sped away, they bit and tore at my tires.”

Listening to these stories about the dangerous hill country, I soon realized this was not the safe job of the big city of Amarillo. But I stayed the course and passed the exam with only one mistake. I made a better grade than many of the long-time officers.

We had started the day with introductions. During a break, one of the men, who had spoken frequently about his narrow escapes, approached me. He wore the traditional working garb of the group—jeans and vest accented with cowboy boots and hat. He said, “I was married for a while, but my wife had the most vicious mouth. She totally tore me down.”

He turned his head away for a couple of seconds, then looked me in the eye, “I will never marry again. I prefer my horses and dogs to the company of a Christian woman.”

A recent online article attempts to address this problem of growing heathenism as it pleads with churches to wake up with the headline:

Atheism is on the rise.

If you haven’t been confronted with it yet, you will be.

The article sounds the alarm of statistics stating, "Your children are already being challenged by it. Here are some sobering facts:"

  • 1 in 4 Americans under 30 now describe their religion as “atheist,” “agnostic,” or “nothing in particular.”
  • The number of Americans with no religious affiliation has doubled since 1990, to 15 percent.
  • Young people are dropping out of church at 5-6 times the historic rate, often because of intellectual doubts [Emphasis added].
  • Books by the New Atheists have gone mainstream, many becoming international bestsellers. Skeptic groups are becoming aggressive; the Secular Student Alliance has doubled in two years, and has established 250 chapters in U.S. schools. (“Unpacking Atheism” with In:cast Events [Nashville, TN: In:ciite Media], incastevents.com.)

In our hooked-to-a-handheld mobile society, few people invest time in lengthy books or articles. More than ever, the world is reading Christians instead of the Bible to learn about God. And they are rejecting Christianity because of what they see. Christians have lamented for decades about young people abandoning their parents’ religious beliefs. Many congregations survive only because the older folks keep coming while few young people attend. The article attributes the cause to “intellectual doubts.”

However, I believe this reason offers a shallow explanation. Young people have “intellectual doubts” for a much more basic reason. What goes on in our homes doesn’t stay there. Our homes are molding future generations. And our children are denouncing God because of the hypocrisy of their parents who preach God’s love while failing miserably in show love in their own homes.

This rest of this newsletter is different from any other as it is devoted to preparing you to listen to two radio programs this weekend—either live or in the archives. I will discuss perhaps the most important subjects I’ve ever dealt with:

  • Why Women Need Great Sex to Be Great Mothers aired Friday, April 26th, at 2:30 p.m. CST. It is going to take several programs to cover the topic adequately. You can listen to the archived programs close to the top of the sidebar each month after the episode airs on the third Thursday of each month. Listen to Part 2 live at
  • Three Bible Verses Dealing with Divorce When He Is so Inconsiderate He Won’t Confess Sunday, April 28th at 9 p.m. CST

In the Tip for Alligator Wrestling, I discuss how "Judging motives for good keeps husbands and wives trapped in unloving marriages." Understanding how God expects Christians to make judgments prepares us to appreciate the powerful teaching in two Old Testament verses and one New Testament verse that we often overlook when studying marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

Always in His service,
Patsy Rae Dawson

P.S. You can listen to the archived program at the bottom of the descriptions below.


Why Women Need Great Sex to Be Wonderful Mothers is the topic Oscar Miles and I will discuss on the God Loves Passionate Sex BlogTalkRadio program. We had scheduled this program for April 18th as announced in March. However, Oscar had hip replacement surgery that turned out to be more extensive than originally planned requiring a later date.

As time permits, we’ll talk about three of the reasons God wants us to enjoy passionate sex—all of them helping ensure women will be loving mothers. We’ll spend our time in Isaiah 66:7-13. Oscar will give a brief introduction to the background of these verses. Then we’ll talk about God’s metaphor of a loving mother to describe his own love for his people. Fascinating new medical research about hormones released during pregnancy, nursing, and lovemaking supports God’s declaration about how his love for us mirrors the love of a wonderful mother.

God’s genius shows in designing passionate lovemaking to ensure women rise to their full potential as loving mothers and to protect their children in the womb, while nursing, and in growing up. Passionate lovemaking between fathers and mothers may affect mood swings during pregnancy and ease of delivery. It might even transform those teenage years into joy for everyone.

Simple Secret in the Song of Solomon Explodes a Wife's Desire and Pleasure

I've been studying the Song of Solomon for over 40 years. Yet in the last few months in reading about the role of hormones in lovemaking, I  discovered that I missed the significance of a verse in this love triangle. Toward the end of the program, I'll explain how this simple expression of love ignites a wife's desire for passionate lovemaking. Tune in and marvel with Oscar and I about how much God loves men and women in providing them with the hormones to help them both be their most loving selves.

Truly God is great! He loves passionate sex so much that he spends more time talking about it in the Bible than any other area of marriage. In fact, in Prov. 30:18-19, God says the way of a man with a maid is his proudest creation. Not only that, God talks more about the joys of sex than he does about the negatives.

Oscar Miles, MA, NCC, DCC is the Teaching and Counseling Minister at the Family of God congregation in Ardmore, Oklahoma. He teaches sex-education classes called SLAYING THE GIANT AND CUTTING OFF THE HEAD: GOD’S AMAZING SECRETS FOR A LIFETIME OF GREAT SEX for teens and their fathers.


Three Bible Verses Dealing with Divorce When He Is so Inconsiderate He Won’t Confess with Bonnie Kaye on her Straight Wives BlogTalkRadio Program for women married to or divorced from homosexuals.

I’ll share with listeners two Old Testament verses on divorce that the Jews understood. Applying these verses demonstrate that all 1000 of Solomon’s wives had scriptural grounds to divorce him—even though he did not commit the physical act of adultery.However, most of Solomon’s wives were pagans who worshiped idols celebrating the opposite extremes of virginity and prostitution.
They had no idea what healthy marriages should be like. They didn't realize Solomon was cheating them out of a wonderful marriage by his fetish for deflowering virgins.
When the first-century Christian church became predominantly Gentiles after the destruction of Jerusalem, the church fathers of Roman Catholicism rejected the idols of prostitution, but admired the idolatrous worship of virgins. They adapted this pagan worship of virgins to denounce sex even in marriage. Their ungodly prudery condemned the Song of Solomon and hid its teaching regarding passionate married lovemaking behind an allegory of Christ’s love for the church. See "Origen's Deceit" to learn more about the Catholic war against the Song of Solomon.
Thus, the sexual ignorance and prejudice of the early church fathers led to teaching the perpetual virginity of Mary, the mother of Jesus, and promoting the total depravity of little children and women.  The Jews’ basic understanding about lovemaking as a gift from God was lost as Gentile church fathers tried to overwrite God’s law with their own pagan views.For references and more information on this topic, read "Victims of Victorian Morals," chapter 3 in my book Marriage: A Taste of Heaven, God's People Make the Best Lovers.

God Foretold This Apostasy Against Married Lovemaking

However, God foretold this assault on marriage in 1 Timothy 4:1-7. Through the Apostle Paul, he condemned paying attention to these deceitful doctrines of the pagans that worshiped virgins and forbid marriage. He pronounced the fables fit only for old women. The context shows "fit only for old women" refers to the willful ignorance of both men and women that ushered in the Dark Ages. No doubt, old frigid men and women.

God Commanded Christians to Learn the Truth About Sex

Additionally, in 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8 the Apostle Paul commanded Christians to learn the truth about chandelier-hanging lovemaking from God—not from the Gentiles who do not know God. It is not enough for Christians to pat their chests and brag, “Look at me! I never commit adultery or think impure thoughts. I never view porn on the Internet!”
Instead, they must go forward and learn how to say, “Isn’t God wonderful how he designed a beautiful language of love to speak in each other’s arms that transcends spoken words.” God says in verse 8 that anyone who rejects this teaching is not rejecting the mate. Instead, sexually inhibited husbands and wives are rejecting the God of heaven in whose mind lovemaking originated.

God Repeated His Divorce Law in the New Testament

God inspired the Apostle Paul to give Gentile Christians a parallel divorce passage in the New Testament. This New Testament passage condemns Solomon’s sexual abuse of his 1000 wives. God does not trap anyone in unloving marriages. Only our subscribing to the ignorance of the Dark Ages traps us and allows sin to flourish in our homes.
As modern-day Christians, our ignorance of the role of lovemaking in marriage for creating loving homes for our children, and our ignorance of the Old Testament laws regarding divorce from men like King Solomon are destroying our homes. Listen to both the program with Oscar and Bonnie to get the complete overview of this very important subject of protecting our children by growing up in a home filled with love.

Bonnie Kaye, M. Ed. is viewed as the national counseling expert on the issue of straight/gay marriages. After the demise of her own marriage to a gay man, Bonnie started a local support group in 1984 that became a national and international movement.


Patsy Rae Dawson teaches from dual insights gained from mentoring both men and women for over 40 years and living in the real world. Her expertise ranges from the joys of Soulmating to the uplifting sexual teaching of the Song of Solomon to dealing with the complex issues of Difficult Marriages. Her ability to unlock the scriptures and challenge traditional views make her a popular speaker and writer. She is a 2012 CLASS Certified Advanced Personality Trainer and graduate of Christian Communicators. You can email her at Patsy@EmbarrasstheAlligator.com to comment or ask questions.

Tip for Alligator Wrestling

Beware: Judging motives for good keeps husbands and wives trapped in unloving marriages

Judging motives for good is the Bible’s expression for living in denial of what’s going on around us. Besides keeping husbands and wives trapped in unloving marriages, it’s also a sin. The Apostle Paul warned:
1 Cor. 4:5: “Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness [bad motives] and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise [good motives] will come to him from God.”
Earlier in the chapter, Paul explained in 1 Cor. 2:11: “For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man, which is in him?” So unless someone tells us his or her motives, we don’t know why they acted the way they did. If we want to know why someone did something, we must ask them.

Judging Motives for Good Gives Sin a Free Ride

Instead of assigning bad motives, many husbands and wives make excuses for their mates’ behavior. They often say:
  • “My mate is perfect except for….”
  • “He had a bad day at work.”
  • “She doesn’t feel good and the kids really acted up today.”
  • “The economy is bad and he or she is worried about losing their job.”
Classic motive judging for good for many husbands and wives is, “I don’t feel loved. But I can reason thru it and know my mate must love me. After all, my mate does…and…. But there is no tenderness or passion in our marriage. But my mate must love me because….” You get the picture.
This is called denial. Husbands and wives may get away with white washing mistreatment by their mate for years. Yet the day will come when they are too tired or agitated to invent a good excuse for an unloving spouse’s neglect. Suddenly, all those pseudo justifications will evaporate as they come face to face with the reality of their marriage.
Often the offending spouse offers some platitudes, “Sure I love you. Don’t I keep your house clean and cook your meals?” Or “Can’t you see how I love you by the way I provide for you?” The mate may straighten up until the other’s anger subsides.
Then the good-motive-judging spouse resumes thinking, “Finally! My marriage is going to be normal, loving, and happy.” This is called the “Buy Back” to make the marriage go back to the same old status quo of just existing with nothing really changing. This cycle of now he/she loves me, now he/she loves me not, can go on for decades before the pretending stops. And when it does, it may be too late to save the marriage.
If a Christian can’t judge motives for bad or for good, what can they do to solve problems?

God Says Examine the Fruit—The Actions

Jesus warned his followers:
Matt. 7:15-16: “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they?
Jesus told his disciples to make judgments about a person’s actions—not their thoughts. He admonished the Israelites to “bear fruits in keeping with repentance.” Thus, forgiveness doesn’t mean stupid. It requires examining the fruit to make sure true sorrow resulted in a measurable change of actions.

Paul Says Expose Bad Fruit—Bad Actions

Before Paul taught about subjection and leadership that patterns itself after Christ’s love for the church, he began Ephesians 5 by reminding his readers about Christ’s love by giving himself up for them. He ended the chapter by telling husbands to imitate Christ’s sacrificial love. He told wives to practice loving devotion. However, in the middle of this chapter extolling Christ’s love is an important command about bad conduct. Paul said, “Expose it.”
Read Ephesians 5:6-13 and notice how Paul contrasted the good fruit of the Light (someone who is trying to learn and please God) with the unfruitful deeds of darkness (someone who does not begin to understand God’s teachings about expressing love). We are to make judgments about our mate’s fruit—the actions—not the motives. If we fail to deal with the bad fruit, it will spoil our whole marriage and the lives of our children.
Likewise, in Genesis 3, God didn’t ask Adam and Eve, “Why?” they ate the forbidden fruit. Rather, he asked, “What did you do?” When they tried to blame each other and the serpent, God ignored their motives and punished them for their actions. This is what it means to examine a spouse’s fruit to hold him and her accountable for their deeds.
When the fruit of love in a marriage is bad, the spouse needs to call attention to the smelly produce. Instead of assuming good or bad motives, the light of examination needs to shine on the actions. If the fruit doesn’t get healthy, the spouse needs to insist on resolution, perhaps even getting Christian counseling. Essentially, acting like a Christian means accepting responsibility for our own behavior and holding our husband or wife accountable for their conduct.

Exposing Bad Fruit in Action

For further study read “Open your eyes to dying-fly marriages—when trying harder doesn’t work.” Paul warned the young preacher Timothy about people who pretend to be Christians: “holding to a form of godliness, but [they] have denied its power” in 2 Timothy 3:1-5. Paul admonished in verse 5, “Avoid such men as these.” To avoid such men, we must first pass  judgment on how they act.

Then Paul listed the various fruits of people who are pseudo Christians—a check-list for bad-fruit-producing Christians. Pay particular attention to the characteristic of being “unloving—without natural affection for family.”And while we are barely existing in denial by judging motives for good, our children are suffering, watching, and learning. They will probably grow up to imitate either us or our mates. They will practice either the sin of enabling and denial, or they will accept the role of the sexual, mental, or physical abuser.I suspect you can think of many other passages about examining the fruit and exercising righteous judgments. But this will have to suffice for now. In the BlogTalkRadio program Sunday, I’ll call attention to three scriptures that require us to make judgments according to fruit. God does not trap anyone in unloving marriages.It is past time for Christians to pull off the scales on their eyes that assign good motives to sin in their homes while their children languish. May God forgive us all for the ignorance of the past as we strive to embrace all of his word—especially that of refusing to assign good motives for bad fruit.

Alligators like to swim unseen under water to surprise their prey. Shining the floodlight on alligator tricks helps us follow Paul’s command to expose the unfruitful deeds of darkness in Ephesians 5:11. Paul said to take care of the sin before practicing subjection and leadership. Fundamental religion's obsession with subjection gets it exactly backwards.


Behind the scenes of "Three Bible verses that deal with divorce when he is so inconsiderate he won’t confess"

In 2010, Bonnie Kaye asked me if she could interview me on her Straight Wives BlogTalkRadio Program. Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed. and her co-hostess Misti Hall host this show geared for women who find themselves in a marriage or relationship with a gay/bisexual man. The show addresses the complexities of these marriages and divorces shared by millions of women in our country and millions more around the world.

As a Jew, Bonnie had been looking for a person who could help her Christian women deal with the scriptures they think trap them in marriage to these men. You can listen to the December 2012 interview where we discuss divorce for women in homosexual marriages. Bonnie deals with desperate marriages and always asks hard, to-the-point questions. I love doing the show with her because she makes me look at scriptures in a fresh way.

On April 28, 2013, Bonnie will interview me again regarding divorce when he is so inconsiderate he won't confess. I will discuss three verses that fell into place for me. These verses apply to sexual duds whether due to homosexuality, sexual addiction, or serial adultery. The upcoming program is not yet available to link to. I will send a short email the week prior so you can listen live or get the archived version.

I bring a strong background regarding marriage, divorce and remarriage for Christians to the program. You will notice on the new Amazon store on my Web site that I recommend my ex-husband's book, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage: The Uniform Teaching of Moses, Jesus & Paul. I was fortunate to listen to this series presented three times while it was being developed. As the book was being written, I content edited it for accuracy and logic. The book is rich with word definitions and draws parallels between Old Testament and New Testament teaching.

Additionally, I studied Barbara Roberts' book Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion. Barbara uses word definitions and traces the Bible's consistency in teaching "constructive desertion." This ground for divorce was recognized prior to our modern no-fault divorces. Her "Appendix 10: A brief history of doctrines on divorce and remarriage" shows how the early church father's wiped out our knowledge of the Jewish understanding of divorce for desertion. Consequently, we have inherited many Roman Catholic bad attitudes toward sex as sinful in marriage, which translates to viewing women and children as totally depraved. These ungodly attitudes spill over in subtle ways to our current dogmas regard marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

As a result, I probably have a more thorough background in the study of scriptural divorce than many preachers and elders. However, my research and faith is not a substitute for anyone else's study and faith. Thus, for anyone serious about accurately dividing the word regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage, I highly recommend both Sam Dawson's and Barbara Roberts' books. Jeff Crippen also discusses the problems with divorce in A Cry for Justice. Order all three of these books from my Amazon Store and get free shipping.

anew-Butterfly-Divider-500px

Permission to Why women need great sex to be wonderful mothers & Divorce when he won't confess

Why women need great sex to be wonderful mothers & Divorce when he won't confess by Patsy Rae Dawson. Copyright © 2013 Patsy Rae Dawson LLC. All rights reserved.

Why women need great sex to be wonderful mothers & Divorce when he won't confess by Patsy Rae Dawson is available at EmbarrasstheAlligator.com. It may be copied for noncommercial use only, provided you do the following: 1. Retain all copyright, trademark and propriety notices; 2. Make no modifications to the materials; 3. Do not use the materials in a manner that suggests an association with Patsy Rae Dawson LLC; and; 4. Do not download quantities of materials to a database, server, or personal computer for reuse for commercial purposes. You may not use this material in any other way without prior written permission. For additional permissions, contact Patsy Rae Dawson LLC at Patsy@EmbarrasstheAlligator.com.